I love to create and to travel. Currently, writing novels is a higher priority than travel. If I were a travel writer, I would be fired, because I spend more of my time in foreign cities exploring grocery stores than museums. The women in my novels learn, grow and find the courage to be who they really are, all while fighting supernatural forces…or while exploring the grocery store.
I wanted to find some kind of magic to help me get motivated to write. (Motivation to clean the house, be more productive at work, and exercise more would also be fantastic, but one thing at a time, right?) After reading many self-help articles and a few books on dealing with procrastination, I got the answer more literally than I expected. One of my nieces gave me a “House Blessing Magic Candle.” The part of the instructions I followed most carefully was “visualize the outcome you desire.”
My dream is to publish at least eight novels, preferably in the next eight to ten years. Writing frequently and consistently will be the key to achieving that dream. As I visualized doing the work, I imagined myself enjoying the entire process of writing, not just the finished product. This candle is apparently made to burn slower than a normal candle, allowing plenty of visualizing opportunity. Day after day I lit it and let it burn, thinking “I enjoy the process” every time I looked at it or caught its scent.
It seemed to be helping. I was not transformed into a diligent writer, but I was beginning to look forward to sitting down and writing. I focused on the feeling of pleasure any time the words came easily or inspiration solved a plot issue.
The instructions say “when the candle is done, you’ll find a stone inside that will be supercharged with your intention.” I was eager to see what the stone looked like. Was it just a smooth, plain rock or a translucent crystal? However, waiting was part of the process as the candle slowly burned down, day by day. I was able to see the stone eventually, in the bottom inch of the candle. It had stripes of dark and pale gray. It was still deep in a puddle of hot wax, and I resisted the urge to scoop it out.
A day later, holding the glass candle jar with a cloth to avoid burning my hands while I swirled it around, I saw a second stone. Smaller than the first, it was a cloudy white color. Holding a hot glass jar in your hands to swirl liquid wax around in a still-burning candle is not an image of patience. I still held out at least another day or two before pulling out the stones. Now that I have the stones, I’m not doing anything with them. I don’t have a good place to display something so small although they would be a good reminder of what I’ve learned: the end product is just a tiny fraction of the whole process.
Maybe the candle has magic in it, or maybe it’s simply the opposite of what we put ourselves through every time we dwell on negative thoughts and fear of failure. That only builds up walls between ourselves and what we want. Instead, focus on what you want, over and over. Put your attention on the good feelings and good results that come each time you put in the work. No matter how small or slow the progress is, enjoy it.
I chose the name Amani first. I was looking for a “belly dance name” – a stage name. Back before the abundance of personal info which is the internet, some dancers liked having a stage name to provide privacy. I hadn’t heard that it was a frequent problem, but I’m sure once in a while there was a guy who dancers wanted to keep some distance from. More than that, the dance name adds to the image. Debbie, Ann, and Jane are fine names, but Jamilah, Yasmine, or Zara have more zing when you’re covered in beads and sequins.
I found Amani in a book of character names at the public library. It’s Arabic for “wishes, dreams, desires.” I later read that it is also an African name meaning “peace” in Swahili, but I love the wishes meaning because I’ve been dreaming about the future my whole life. I have used Amani as my dance name for many years.
One Saturday morning, I was lying in bed and an inspiration hit me: “Amani Jesu” as my pen name. Jesu is the Latin version of Jesus. It can be pronounced several ways, including YAY-zu or JEE-zu. Although I wanted this as my pen name, I was concerned that other people would disapprove. Would people think it was taboo to use the name Jesu or perhaps expect my writing to be entirely religious? I was brought up as a Christian, and have no plans to change that, but I am open-minded about religion (good thing too, as I married a Hindu.) Despite my concerns, I liked the sound of the name, and it felt like the name was gifted to me, rather than thought up.
One thing I’ve always believed in, and that I see in other religions as well, is the presence of God in our lives. The name Jesus means “to deliver, to rescue.” Another name for Jesus, Emmanuel, means “God is with us,” which would suit me better, but doesn’t sound as good as a surname for Amani. And really, do I need a better representation of God being present in our lives than Jesus himself?
Interesting novel tidbit: The main character of my forthcoming novel, Eliana-Who-Sees-Us, has a question in her life and gets an answer from God in an unusual way. It’s been so long since I started the novel, I don’t remember how I chose her name, but appropriately, her name comes from Hebrew with the meaning “God Has Answered Me.”
My new gym. There’s never a line for the stairs and no electricity needed.
I think I found t
he stairway to heaven.