Category Archives: Go For It

Ask and See What Happens

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Woman holding a sign that says help.

Years ago (long before I met my husband), I had a bad dream that was like a scene from a movie. In the dream, it was my wedding day, and I realized I barely knew the groom and did not want to marry him. In the movies, the unhappy bride (The Wedding Singer, 3 Idiots) or groom (Four Weddings and a Funeral) will either realize their mistake and stop the wedding or a trusted friend will stop it for them. But in my nightmare, I was afraid to speak up. My fear of embarrassment in the short term was worse than my fear of the long-term consequences.

I woke up from the dream before the ceremony but have never forgotten that feeling of helpless dread weighing on my chest. However, I was not helpless. All I had to do was say something. Yes, in a nightmare or a nightmarish life, that might not be enough; some people are victims of abuse or circumstances that are out of their control. But really, most of us will take on a lot of pain and inconvenience before we will ask another person for what we need.

After a critique at Comicpalooza last month, I decided to rip a major part of the storyline out of my upcoming novel. All this month I kept thinking that I needed more time for the project to do even an adequate job, let alone the excellence I am hoping for. Even though I didn’t know I was going to make such an enormous change when I scheduled with my editor, I was ashamed to admit that I couldn’t finish on time. I finally did the grown-up thing this morning and sent an email, asking for more time, and I got it! I exchanged the small discomfort of speaking up for the nightmare of marrying a bad novel draft and being stuck with it forever and ever!

Making the Most of Surprises

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Accidents happen. Usually we think about the kind that slows down or even reverses our progress, but there are “happy accidents” that can give us a tiny push forward.

Many years ago, I was about 25 pounds overweight and not actively trying to lose weight, even though I wished I would. One day I weighed myself and was surprised to find I had lost two pounds! That’s not an enormous loss, but a good one when you didn’t expect it. I decided as long as I was down a bit, I would try to keep it going. Back then, I would eat fast food every day and would often get a soft drink refill before I left the restaurant (and I’m talking those BIG cups that you could practically swim in). I wasn’t drinking diet drinks – leading to my consuming large quantities of sugar. The first change I made was to drink only unsweetened tea. Uh, yeah, it was an adjustment, but it didn’t take long. Soon I took another step, then another. About eighteen months later, I had lost over twenty pounds!

I know I could do more to write and market novels, but I get overwhelmed with the learning curves (yes, plural!) for all the different methods I’m “supposed” to be employing. Then, a week ago, while trekking in the Everest region of Nepal, I posted one short video of some yak hybrids I saw on the trail. That few seconds of video on my Facebook author page got almost nine thousand views in less than a week!

“Too bad,” I thought, “that it had *nothing* to do with my book! …but what if that video’s success helps me get views on book-related videos?” So I did my first TikTok video in some time, promoting Eliana-Who-Sees-Us as a good Halloween read. (I had done other TikToks about my book, but they got deleted when I was inactive for too long…more learning curve.) “But now how do I get more people to view the video?” That question led to (finally) doing a promo post in an authors’ group I’m in. “I guess I should update my Goodreads info too, so more people will go to my blog….uh, which is out of date.” And now I’m updating the blog.

It’s all work I knew I needed to do, but it seemed like too much when I thought about it. That happy accident encouraged me to take one step, which led to another, and it didn’t seem overwhelming anymore. I’m trying to focus on the fun or playful aspects of social media, rather than look at it as “work,” and hopefully that will feed my creative writing side as well. Check out the Halloween video here: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR7bXLfS/

Give Others a Chance to Support You

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Have you ever wanted to do something that you worried would seem ridiculous to other people? Or maybe it seemed impossible, risky, or just weird. “Find Your Tribe” is one slogan I hear – generally meaning to go find the people who are like you or have the same passions as you. I love that idea, however, don’t discount the people already around you until you’ve really given them a chance.

I am an introvert and tend to worry about what other people think. I assume that people in my life – coworkers, family, friends – will expect me to stay the same “me” and keep doing the same things. It can be unsettling when people close to us no longer fit our image of them. Also, we don’t want our loved ones to be hurt, and change can mean taking a risk. But I’ve been genuinely surprised at the support I’ve received when I’ve opened up and shared my aspirations.

The biggest example that comes to mind is when I had a long-distance relationship with a man from Nepal. And I do mean LONG distance. If you pick up a globe with one index finger on Houston and the other on Nepal, they are pretty much on the opposite sides of the world. When I opened up and told some friends at a party (basically anyone who was in the kitchen at that moment) that I was longing to drop everything here and go live in Nepal, they supported me without blinking. “I’ll help you pack” was one immediate comment. Another woman said I could stay at her condo after I got back while I looked for a new job (if necessary). As it turned out, a different friend invited me to stay with her while I apartment-hunted when I got back.

“But what if the opposite happens?” you ask. Fine, let the people actually say the hurtful things rather than have you put the words into their mouths in your fearful fantasies. You have to eliminate the possibility that you are just using these imaginings as an excuse to hold yourself back. Even my boss and coworkers were excited for me and helped me any way they could, even though it meant more work for them while I was gone.

Regrets? I should have taken the one friend up on her offer to help pack, as I was moving my belongings to storage the same day I flew to Nepal, and it was a hectic day. Although it was an incredible adventure and I ended up marrying my Nepalese boyfriend, that outpouring of support in the kitchen will always be one part of the experience that I remember most.

Figuring It Out As You Go

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Today is the anniversary of my hire date at my current office job. (All our personnel documents have it at the top, otherwise I doubt I would remember it.) I don’t normally celebrate the day or anything, but it is a little more significant this year. One year from now I will “retire.” I will still have to pay the bills, but my plan is to work at something other than an office job.

Once you’ve done one kind of job, it’s easiest to keep doing it. You have experience on your resume, so your employer is not taking a chance on whether you can learn it. I will have to push myself to Be, Do, and Have new things in my life and not just slip back into the easy and familiar. When I was in my 20’s . . . and 30’s, I kept thinking “I’ll figure it out eventually.” Now I realize I have to live the life I want now, not in ten years.

One thing I’ve wanted for decades is to be a published author. I’m publishing my first book this summer. The learning curve has been much steeper than I expected. Over the next two months, I have a tremendous amount to learn and do, all while finishing up a final edit. Oh, and then there’s the next novel that is nagging at me to write it! All of this has the potential to overwhelm me like a sudden wave pushing me underwater.

I’m going to get into the water and swim, while I’m learning to swim. Reading and talking about swimming got me to this point, and now I have to take it further.  

The Bucket List

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I used to have a written “Bucket List” – a list of things I want to do before I die. It is probably still in a notebook or in a stack of papers, between an advertisement for cheap internet and a paid bill that needs to be filed somewhere. I do know some of the items off the top of my head: milk a cow, direct a music video, and fly in a helicopter. Thanks to the “Why Not?” attitude of my friend Anna, we got a free, five-minute ride in a helicopter yesterday. We had to be videoed saying how much we were enjoying the Holi festival we were at, and how much we liked the sponsor who was offering the free rides. I was ready to back out when I heard we had to do a video, but Anna said it wasn’t a big deal, so we did it. As a result, I checked another thing off my bucket list.

During the flight, I took a few photos and a short video, but then I purposely put the phone down. I wanted to be present and really live it, not just review it later through the camera lens. The sensation I was most aware of was a sort of looseness in my lower legs – like when you’re on a carnival ride and your feet are dangling down, even though my feet were planted on the floor of the helicopter. It was like I was aware of that space under us as we flew.

I’m proud of the fact that there aren’t many things on my bucket list. I guess for some people that would mean they are content already. For me it means I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone many times to see places or have experiences that I longed for.

One more item will be checked off this summer: “Publish a Novel.” I’m going to self-publish first on Amazon and then with other publishers. I will update you here as we get closer to the release date. Once that is done, I guess I’ll have to start looking for someone who owns a cow!

Amani (left) and Anna with the helicopter.