Final edits are underway on Eliana-Who-Sees-Us. I will be so happy to be finished with the publishing process so I can put more time and energy into writing again!
People who dream of “writing a novel someday” have no idea of all that is involved, but I guess it’s that way with most of our lives and livelihoods. I have friends that I still can’t explain what their job is, just what field it’s in. And maybe it’s best if we don’t know everything that’s going to be expected of us before we commit to something or we might never do it. Parenthood, marriage, even friendship . . . see your favorite rom-com or buddy action movie for details!
I checked another huge item off my to-do list, which is also part of my life goals list. Afterwards, I celebrated a little in my usual fashion (hint: it involved Netflix and popcorn . . . a lot of popcorn), but I knew I had another long list of items I had been putting off. I couldn’t face them all right away, and I’m still struggling with feeling empty and exhausted.
It seems to be a good lesson in balance. You will be emptied and you will expend energy as you pursue a goal. Even normal daily activities like interacting with people may sap your resources. You have a choice: wait till you hit empty or fill up as you go. If you’re lucky, those very things you spend your energy on will be the ones that fill you up. If not, awareness is key. Whether you think of your energy and well-being as a gas tank or a checking account, monitor the level frequently. Either one can leave you stranded if ignored.
As I write this, I realize that my celebration was my typical relaxation, but it felt more like feeding my body with junk food than healthy food (yes, okay — that was part of the celebration). At this point in life, I know what I should do to take care of myself, but I’m still getting stuck at that gap between awareness and action. I have to keep reminding myself again and again how good it feels to feel good – physically, mentally, and emotionally – so that I will take the effort to do what fills me up properly. Hopefully, someday I won’t even view taking care of myself as effort.
Aside
I love to create and to travel. Currently, writing novels is a higher priority than travel. If I were a travel writer, I would be fired, because I spend more of my time in foreign cities exploring grocery stores than museums. The women in my novels learn, grow and find the courage to be who they really are, all while fighting supernatural forces…or while exploring the grocery store.
I wanted to find some kind of magic to help me get motivated to write. (Motivation to clean the house, be more productive at work, and exercise more would also be fantastic, but one thing at a time, right?) After reading many self-help articles and a few books on dealing with procrastination, I got the answer more literally than I expected. One of my nieces gave me a “House Blessing Magic Candle.” The part of the instructions I followed most carefully was “visualize the outcome you desire.”
My dream is to publish at least eight novels, preferably in the next eight to ten years. Writing frequently and consistently will be the key to achieving that dream. As I visualized doing the work, I imagined myself enjoying the entire process of writing, not just the finished product. This candle is apparently made to burn slower than a normal candle, allowing plenty of visualizing opportunity. Day after day I lit it and let it burn, thinking “I enjoy the process” every time I looked at it or caught its scent.
It seemed to be helping. I was not transformed into a diligent writer, but I was beginning to look forward to sitting down and writing. I focused on the feeling of pleasure any time the words came easily or inspiration solved a plot issue.
The instructions say “when the candle is done, you’ll find a stone inside that will be supercharged with your intention.” I was eager to see what the stone looked like. Was it just a smooth, plain rock or a translucent crystal? However, waiting was part of the process as the candle slowly burned down, day by day. I was able to see the stone eventually, in the bottom inch of the candle. It had stripes of dark and pale gray. It was still deep in a puddle of hot wax, and I resisted the urge to scoop it out.
A day later, holding the glass candle jar with a cloth to avoid burning my hands while I swirled it around, I saw a second stone. Smaller than the first, it was a cloudy white color. Holding a hot glass jar in your hands to swirl liquid wax around in a still-burning candle is not an image of patience. I still held out at least another day or two before pulling out the stones. Now that I have the stones, I’m not doing anything with them. I don’t have a good place to display something so small although they would be a good reminder of what I’ve learned: the end product is just a tiny fraction of the whole process.
Maybe the candle has magic in it, or maybe it’s simply the opposite of what we put ourselves through every time we dwell on negative thoughts and fear of failure. That only builds up walls between ourselves and what we want. Instead, focus on what you want, over and over. Put your attention on the good feelings and good results that come each time you put in the work. No matter how small or slow the progress is, enjoy it.
