Years ago (long before I met my husband), I had a bad dream that was like a scene from a movie. In the dream, it was my wedding day, and I realized I barely knew the groom and did not want to marry him. In the movies, the unhappy bride (The Wedding Singer, 3 Idiots) or groom (Four Weddings and a Funeral) will either realize their mistake and stop the wedding or a trusted friend will stop it for them. But in my nightmare, I was afraid to speak up. My fear of embarrassment in the short term was worse than my fear of the long-term consequences.
I woke up from the dream before the ceremony but have never forgotten that feeling of helpless dread weighing on my chest. However, I was not helpless. All I had to do was say something. Yes, in a nightmare or a nightmarish life, that might not be enough; some people are victims of abuse or circumstances that are out of their control. But really, most of us will take on a lot of pain and inconvenience before we will ask another person for what we need.
After a critique at Comicpalooza last month, I decided to rip a major part of the storyline out of my upcoming novel. All this month I kept thinking that I needed more time for the project to do even an adequate job, let alone the excellence I am hoping for. Even though I didn’t know I was going to make such an enormous change when I scheduled with my editor, I was ashamed to admit that I couldn’t finish on time. I finally did the grown-up thing this morning and sent an email, asking for more time, and I got it! I exchanged the small discomfort of speaking up for the nightmare of marrying a bad novel draft and being stuck with it forever and ever!
